Australian values test Princess! Life is worth living after all

Life can be very cruel. I missed quite a lot of tonight’s cracking dialogue due to the noise from the Christmas concert at the school across the road. Lousy active kids! Get back inside and watch TV!

PhD students Cleverer types than I could probably come up with a snappy analysis of the ways in which this programme illustrates the cultural hangover present in Austral-English relations (yes, I'm sure there's a funding grant in there somewhere).

Me, I’m much more interested in Kate’s crunchy country goodness. Upon hearing that they’ll be taught to speak like a princess: “Oh crap! We got another test comin’ up or somethin’”

She’s got this thing in the bag.

I’m starting to like Jean more and more. Tonight she was ticking all my boxes, listing pet hates as white shoes and anklets. Testify woman! All she has to do is confirm how foul toe-rings are and my proposal will be in the Royal Mail.

Quote of the episode of course pertains to Kylie Booby. From the make-up stylist: “You’re as orange as Ayres Rock.” Haw haw. And she probably hasn't had a fake tan touch-up for at least 2 days.

Crikey I hope they keep her in this competition for at least another 3 weeks.

More scandalously mildly interestingly, Carla from Palmerston, ACT, (go parochialism, woo!) has admitted her repressed lesbianism bisexuality! Plus she hates Kylie Booby, correctly identifying her as a “screaming harpy”. If she wasn’t goth as all get out I might think about liking her for the title. Maybe.

Following this revelation and her later wardrobe transformation (out with the blacks, in with the orange twin-set!), those sneaky producers subtitled her monologues with “Carla: Confused ex-goth”. Insert catty noise here!

Anyway, tonight’s ‘important lesson’ was how to speak proper-like.

And what better crowd to judge how condescending and snooty princessy the ladies had become than the barely-repressed young fags from one of Sydney’s most exclusive private schools! This was pure genius on the part of the producers, I must say.

One little queen could barely contain his faggy, lispy, excitement at presenting his snarky little remarks on what is no doubt his favourite show (well, at least when “The Bachelorette” isn’t showing). Get a blog, and maybe then I’ll be interested.

At least they all sniggered at Kylie Booby’s name as much as I did. SNIGGER!

Ah dear, forget what I said about life being cruel, for a bounty of humour has been delivered to us in the form of this orange harpy.

Give thanks everyone. 'Tis the season!