Sunday, May 04, 2008

Ready to abrogate personal responsibility

Dear Wayne

I hope Canberra is treating you well and that those hard-nuts at the Department of Finance and Deregulation aren’t beating up on your Treasury boys too often.

Just a quick note to let you know that your new tax on RTDs is both costly and ineffective.

Costly, because nightclubs have already whacked their prices up by about $4 a bottle, and not the “30c to $1.30” that would actually reflect the tax rise.

Ineffective because after about 5 beers I had entered into that headspace where the costs of drinks ‘duzzn’t madda!’ and so I had no regard for the subtle disincentive built into the pricing structure of the heinous and evil bottles of filth I was drinking.

Personally, I was relying on your new tax to make my drinking decisions for me, so I left my personal responsibility at home on Friday night (I don't like to carry too much stuff when I go out - makes my jeans pockets look too bulky).

So, not only is the government responsible for my decision to hit the binge hard, youse are also responsible for my decision to switch half-way through the night from beers to RTDs. Actually, wait, if you’ve taken the responsibility of dictating individual choices, maybe then it was YOUR decision that I should switch drinks.


Which means you guys should be picking up the tab for my wasted Saturday, in which I only got out of bed twice before 7pm – both times being failed attempts to drink the smallest amounts of water and keep them down.

There goes my 6-year no-throwing-up record. Thanks a lot!

I had a Saturday ‘to do list’ as long as my newly-tattooed arm. When my LovelyWife asks me why the car is still filthy and why the credit card isn’t balanced, I’m sending her to you.

And while you’re there I’m going to need you to go the gym, change the oil in my bike, pick up a present for mothers’ day and book my holiday accommodation for the end of the month.