Champagne tastes

I think Tobias is a snob.

Only interested in playing with monogrammed champagne corks, these days.

I love my wife

Lame breakfast TV hosts: Today we're talking about hygeine and in particular, we're asking 'how clean is your fridge'?

Lame breakfast TV guest: Now not many people know this, but on average people clean their toilets 5 times more often than they clean their fridges.

Lame breakfast TV hosts: Ewww, that's gross.

The LovelyWife: That's because not many people take a crap in their fridge, morons!

Some crap I found on my phone

I could also have called this post "I don't think I'll have anything good to write until Australian Princess 2 starts"...but I guess I don't want to get your hopes up.

Hold the phone!

Beyonce and some other bird Eva Longoria to play Kitty Butler and Nan Astley in saucy lesbian movie, Tipping the Velvet?!!?

Did someone say ‘completely unlikely casting’ and 'completely unlikely Hollywood movie project'?

At first I wasn’t quite sure whether Beyonce was going to fit plausibly into a) a Victorian-era English oyster town or b) a Victorian era English theatre group.

But, being all open minded and such, I thought it would be best that I let her at least try the role, before going all judgemental on Sofia Coppola’s ass and firing up with the “not as good as the novel” or “not as good as the BBC adaptation” vitriol.

Yes, I’ll begrudgingly drag myself along to the absolute first showing of the movie just to determine once and for all, who is sexier in a corset, Beyonce or Keeley Hawes examine whether the adaptation is accurate or not.

'Your Victorian-era sex toys got me acting so crazy right now'

'Well at least I have an English accent...and can act'

Doing my bit for society, see.

Edit: Yes, I totally and completely knew this story was bollocks all along. I definitely was not suckered in. Not even just a teensy weensy bit. Not for a minute. Nuh-uh. Not me.

Sigh.

Parking I have not enjoyed reprise

And you thought I was joking when I said there would be a series on unenjoyable parking...

This was sent to me by one of my loyal army of bad-parkage-spotters a friend. So I can't take all the credit.

But I would just like to point out that the greatest proportion of these gems are from Dickson.

Ah, Dickson - just about everything I hate about Canberra in one crazy suburb.

No-horse race, thanks.

So did I mention I hate the Melbourne Cup?

I used to just hate the event itself, but each year I am becoming more and more sincerely grizzled over the senseless enthusiasm people express towards it. Senseless I tell you! Anything with a pack-mentality really sh*ts me these days and the Melbourne Cup stinks of it.

It's right up there with St Patrick's Day, Oktoberfest and New Year's Eve on the list of meaningless events that bring out my inner killjoy.

And what's with pretending like it is glamorous? Let me tell you, b*tches, the truly glamorous don't tend to hang out in an ill-fitting dress in a car park sipping pre-mixed drinks and eating party pies.

"Drunk at 11.30am - another great life achievement"

Sure, Breezers are affordable and party pies can be quite tasty, but they's aint classy.

"Eating is cheating girls!"

I tell you what is much more exciting - the US mid-term elections! (Wow! Blogger's new 'seamless segue' button really works!)

"New US $50 note design"

Just try stealing this one now, f*ck-face.


My main source of interest is probably the local consequences of a Democrat resurgence. Sure would suck to be you, asshat:

"I can't believe I forgot my tie-pin - I look ridiculous"

A US congress with the potential to impeach Bush? Now that's worth breaking out the party pies for.

More in the series "Parking I have not enjoyed"

I mean, come on!

They paint big white lines on the ground for you to aim between! How hard can it be?!?!?

And these people are allowed to vote.