Complete brain organ failure - Australian Princess redux

You know on Australian Princess, they make the girls do chores such as ironing underwear, polishing silver and cleaning crockery – what on earth is the point of this?

What Princess is going to be polishing candlesticks? Exactly which part of Princessly life is this preparing them for?

If Paul Burrell told me to do that, I’d be like “no way b*tch/girlfriend/gay man! You’re the butler! Get scrubbing!”

But then again, the chances of me getting anywhere near that show…

Anyway, onto more serious analysis - how is Kylie Booby still in this show?!?! And did you know she is only 22? Looks about 35 to me. But I guess that’s what drinking bundy and cokes since you were 14 will do to you.

However, she did quite well on tonight's episode, impressing the judges by “arsing lots of questions” (lost her ‘k’ apparently) about poor-tray-cha at the UK’s National Portrait Gallery. So now you get points for admitting to not knowing anything? Ok. Fine.

And did I mention I like to watch this show in order to feel superior to the contestants?

Jackie O: What was it like to be that close to the Queen?
Stephanie: Breathtaking! I thought, like, my organs were going to fail or something.

The show is excrutiatingly slowly building towards the climax, the pairing of the eventual winner and a “real life prince”.

And you’d be knocked off your feet by the Prince chosen for this series – that is, if you’re the type of person who buys a $15 “genuine” Louis Vuitton handbag from Paddy’s Markets thinking they are getting an AMAZING deal on “real life” designer luggage.

“Prince Michael Sapieha’s lineage is one the oldest Royal bloodlines in Europe and were instrumental in shaping the Poland we know today.”

Could they be any more non-specific?

“Consequently, the Sapieha family were granted a principality, and therefore Prince Michael holds the royal title.”

Sounds a bit like a bought title to me.

Oh well, neither Kylie or Stephanie had any idea who Henry VIII was earlier in the show, so I suspect they are in no danger of being disappointed by this ‘Prince’.


Next week we get to meet some cut-price "real-life Princesses", including Princess Olga, correctly identified by Kylie as "sound[ing] like she's off Shrek or something."

Don't miss it!

Or, have a life and miss it.

See if I care.