Someone gave me the bird

So I think I’m coming down with something...

I haven’t been to the doctor or anything, but on the basis of what I’ve seen on TV and read on the Internet, I’m pretty sure it’s bird flu.

I used to think that self-diagnosis was for fools and New Idea readers. But it seems like everyone is doing it, so it must be ok. Well, everyone at my office (the Temple of Doom^TM) anyway:

Most hated of colleagues: “Well, the doctor couldn’t find anything wrong with me, but I looked on the Internet and I’m pretty sure I have got [whatever illness was on All Saints last night]”

Oh, really? Yeah, because those doctors - they know nothing...

Also:

Most hated of colleagues: “I’ve pretty much had all the tests they can run and unfortunately they couldn’t find anything wrong with me”

Unfortunately????

But yeah, basically I’m feeling a little fluey and I’m feeling a sense of over-reaction and panic coming on, so in the spirit of self-diagnosis, why don't I just assume that it must be bird flu.

As I said, I haven’t been to the doctor, but I’m pretty sure its been brought on by some highly contagious scaremongering. I should be right though, I’ve still got the ‘survival’ kit I put together for Y2K, the SARS virus and the inevitable terrorist-attacks-that-haven’t-happened-yet-but-sure-are-going-to-especially-if-we-don’t-get-those-new-laws-through...