A list of things you notice when you’re off work sick and lounging around at home:
1. You can fill the entire day watching news on free to air TV these days. This kind of repetition is a good way to make everything important seem mundane.
2. The devil has made himself into human form and is going under the name of ‘Dr Phil’.
3. All the women in Oprah’s audience are made of plastic (either that, or they spend 5 hours in make-up before the show – get a life, bints!)
4. Judging by the frequency with which the kids that go to the school across the road from my place are out in the playground, it is fair to say that school kids are lazy and don’t work hard enough.
5. The school across the road obviously knew I was going to be at home sick yesterday. Why else would they have decided to schedule a visit from the fire brigade and police? Those pesky emergency services were in on the whole scam and so proceeded to demonstrate their sirens to all the kids over and over again, negating any chance of me falling into a medication-induced slumber. Jerks.
6. Dial-up sucks.
7. Monty Python’s The Life of Brian has dated badly and is the antithesis of funny.
8. Despite rumours to the contrary, you can still buy some really really strong painkillers without a prescription. Not such a good idea to try and drive the oven after taking some.
9. I would go insane as a housewife. Either that, or I would turn into a Stepford wife (by which I mean I would have to get my brain removed in order to survive).
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11 comments:
I hear your pain about being home sick and putting up with loud noises. I had the unfortunate displeasure being at home this monday just gone, my head spinning as if I was demonically posessed and about to spew forth projectile vomit across the room.
Sitting on the couch would have been all well and good if I didn't live next door to a greenfield estate. On the opposite side of the road they have dug a 6ft trench in preperation to lay down some services. Little did I know those bastards were going to crane a nice big industrial compactor into this trench.
Stuck at home sick, watching crap TV, and almost praying that the roof of my house wasn't about to fall down on top of me as it shook and vibrated violently.
The last time I was off sick channel 10 was playing Murder, She Wrote at midday. That show is GOLD. It's got to be prime material for that kind of 'witty', self-conscious Starsky and Hutch- / The Brady Bunch-style Hollywood "everything old is new again" treatment that is so a la mode at the moment, surely?
Oooh -- what are these extra strong painkillers and where can I buy some?
the winchester - you poor bastard. Sounds super crapola. You did well not to hurl abuse! You make my 'worries' seem like trivial whinges (well, yes, ahem).
Jessica Fletcher - Excitement She Wrote! Yes, your namesake did appear on the sickness tv viewing panorama. Unfortunately I had to change the channel. Fast. In a 'everything old is new again remake', who would play the lead role? Uma Thurman? Yes please!
Pavlov - Now I don't want to be accused of promoting any kind of irresponsible activity, but they are called DOLASED and you can get them at any pharmacist! Woohoo!
Working from home means that sometimes I turn the tv on at lunchtime (just for a screen-time break :) ) and I sit with my jaw dropped at Dr Phil et al.
Bad habit. Must break it.
Monty Python’s The Life of Brian has dated badly and is the antithesis of funny.
Wash your mouth out!
"This bloke won't haggle!"
"There's a mess in here alright, but no messiah!"
"He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy!"
"Welease Wodewick!"
Gold.
Harrumph.
Yes, I thought that one might be controversial, TLA.
Its probably one of those movies that you either like or hate.
Feel free to bludgeon me over the head with random office objects to vent your frustration.
Ampersand duck - sounds like you might need an intervention to get you off the demon Dr Phil. Maybe we need to confiscate your telly?
To borrow a phrase from our glorious (*cough*) leader, extreme times call for extreme measures!
Right then.
I'm just off to the office supplies cupboard. I wonder whether a two- or three-ring binder would be a better bludgeoning tool? Come to think of it, if I want a bludgeoning tool, I should just go and get our glorious leader.
You have to admit, however, that the Holy Grail, with Tim the Enchanter, and the French taunters is timeless comedy.
Poor kitten, and so close to the holidays of all things. I broke my foot and can't even leave the house for weeks. Driving me insane.
..but at least i'm not driving the oven LOL
Tonch! You broke your foot? I hope it wasn't your blogging foot.... har har. What did you do? Get into a fight with someone after 'nuggeting' them?
Laura - It must have been so disappointing to find your Dan Brown antidote so ineffective. I've found sticking my fingers in my ears and saying loudly: "la la la I can't hear you" whenever someone talks about the Da Vinci Code, to be a very effective technique!
neurofin plus - don't down and drive.
Funnily enough, I stayed home today and watched Dr. Phil. It was about 'Real-life desperate house-wives.' I didn't realise Dr Phil had become so bad. What exploitative nonsense. Couldn't bring myself to watch Oprah. She's a false deity.
C'mon - Every sperm is sacred still gets a laugh.
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