When good TV Networks go bad

It must take a certain amount of pluck to write media releases.

I’ve been reading this one from Network Ten, and after getting about half way through it, I’d run out of tea to spit out in disgust and bemusement!

Now, I really quite like Network Ten as a whole (mainly because they have taken no part in the resuscitation of Daryl Somers), and I am quite partial to their programming, as my previous Australian Idol posts may attest. Same goes for my Simpsons addiction.

But I really can’t stop myself from wondering about what they have chosen to highlight in their 2006 line up.

I know they have to try and make their latest collection of cut-price filler look new and original, but c’mon! I’m probably going to watch it anyway, they don’t hafta insult my intelligence at the same time.

Case in point:

TEN’s new Australian programs for 2006 include:
The Wedge – sketch comedy set in a fictitious Australian suburb, from Cornerbox Productions and comedian Ian McFadyen, the genius behind The Comedy Company

I wish there was an emoticon to symbolize me doing a massive double take and spitting tea everywhere. I mean, the way they casually throw ‘genius’ and ‘Comedy Company’ together. Geeeeeeeee. Speechless.

But anyway, the fun don’t stop there folks.

Thank God You’re Here – Working Dog’s latest project, where well-known personalities are dropped into a scene in which they have no idea who they are or why they are there and must improvise their way through

What is a ‘well known personality’ anyway?

Have they deliberately stopped short of promising us celebrities? ‘Celebrities’ are spreading themselves a bit thin lately on account of the number of “I’m a fat Celebrity, get me out of here and help me lose weight by becoming a circus performer on a quiz show” type programs and may no longer be available. At all. For anything. Ever.

And from the squeezing every last drop of programming from a half successful concept until it’s dry school of programming, behold!

Friday Night Games – this adaptation of Big Brother Friday Night Live sees members of the public and celebrities put through hilarious challenges

Australia’s Brainiest specials – eight hilarious episodes, including TV Star, Radio Star, Musician, Cricketer, Footballer, Olympian, Neighbours and Big Brother Housemate.

Guffaw. Guffaw. Guffaw. That last one should be a ripper!

And Friday Night Games sounds a leedle bit like It’s a Knockout to me. Oh well, I guess if there is any prospect of slapstick and prat falls, it will be a winner in our household.

I keep scanning the release for any news as to whether UpLate with Hotdogs will return. But there’s no mention of it! The suspense is killing me!

I know, I know. Its very easy to be critical. So what are my ideas?

Sedition live: Real time broadcasts of ASIO officers interrogating Piers Ackerman and Janet Albrechtsen for dispensing bile and opinion in a manner contrary to the national interest. Could also be called 'This is the real Big Brother, fools!'.

The 'Where are they now?' Australian Idol special: where we get to catch up with all those stinky performers from previous series' auditions who absolutely tanked and then marched out of the audition room chucking a hissy fit to the camera along the lines of "I'm gonna be so big, y'all gonna regret this, I'm gonna show you" etc etc. Expected to include on-location filming at a number of call centres and retail outlets as we truly find out 'where are they now?'...

Australia's Brainiest Maverick Queensland MPs: A 'to-the-death' battle of half-wits, pitching established champion Ms Pauline Hanson against the new kid on the block Barnaby "I am too independently minded! I just happen to vote for every Government legislation that comes across my desk" Joyce. Not expected to last for more than one episode.