Saturday, April 22, 2006

Simple Saturday delights

Sometimes. On a Saturday afternoon. The LovelyWife likes to peruse the baby name listings for the week from the SMH.

As the LovelyWife is being particularly lovely this evening and cooking me a rack off lamb, I have undertaken the responsibility of reading the names aloud.

I have interrupted this erstwhile diverting activity to break in and let you all know about THE WORST BABY NAME EVER. Either that, or there are no sub-editors at the SMH this week and this name is some kind of typo because no child's name could possibly be this horrific, dismaying and ghastly.

Here it is, laydeez and gentlemen:

Jaygen Bo.

Now, I know I previously lamented the invasion of 'Georgias' (or, even, 'Jorja'), but 'Jaygen'? Come on people.

And this is even before I've resorted to perusing the birth notices in the Illawara Mockery Mercury!!

Hold the phone! I've just started browsing the Mockery pages and... ta da!

Neshae Sarah

As the LovelyWife just said "fuck me sideways, that is hoarey."

I've also just found:


I don't care what anyone says, I would be forced to pronounce that "charl-eye".

But, just like Vanessa Williams, I've gone and saved the best for last. Oh boy oh boy.

Have I found the bogan-name bonanza we've all been waiting for! So many delights in the one birth notice!

FALLINS (nee Mahony).-
17/04/06. Kathryn, Vince and Ty are very proud to announce the safe arrival of their second precious grandchild and niece

Congratulations and all our love to Chad, Raylee, Jayden and our precious princess Paris Jade.

I don't think there is anything I can add to that, quite frankly.

Enjoy your evening.


Ampersand Duck said...

Oh, I should start looking at the SMH. I confine myself to the CT. Quite often you have to look at the whole family to get the complete weirdness hit. My favorites from the last few months are:

Amryn, joining sisters Soraya, Jazlin and Bryar

closely followed by

Alivia Kaarina (parents Anthony & Anne-Maree, sister Ashlee)

and then the very Dahlesque

Shantay Alice Trotter, new sister for Kynan and Danyon.

It's the best way to spend a Saturday morning, for my money!

Georg said...

You're making this up. These are really from the Daily Terror aren't they?

Georg said...

Ok, so my son's name is Dashiell. I can't be throwing stones living in a glass house and day I will take you to the Newtown playgroup, now THERE'S some names for you.

tonch said...

OMG i love it! It's all so K&K, and I love how you squeezed in the Vanessa Williams reference (how long were you sitting on that one? :P)

I wish I knew a Jaygen Bo, just so I could call him J-Bo for short.

weasel said...

I like Dashiell, as long as you were pre-Cate Blanchett...

JahTeh said...

I wouldn't even know how to pronounce most of those and my kid took ages to forgive being called Euan, gaelic spelling. Paris Jade I would never forgive.

Living in Canberra said...

Jaygen Bo - Bogan Jay is more like it.

I pity the poor kids with these stupid names when they grow older.

Pavlov's Cat said...

Yes, I've got a 1950s vintage silly name I'm always having to spell for people, and frequently fantasise about changing my name to Mary. But I do think it's absolutely tragic that two such wonderful things as Paris-the-city and jade-the-rock should have been so ravaged by overuse in recent years.

That said, one of my favourite children's books had a family of kids in it called Garnet, Ruby, Emerald and Pearl. I loved this idea with a passion, but I think I would have felt quite differently if they'd been called Malachite, Felspar, Gneiss and Schist.

weasel said...

In a cunning ploy to promote my own blog, the show I've just written about, My Super Sweet Sixteenth, has a lot of badly named rich kids, such as Carlysia (!) and Bjorn (pronounced bu-jorn rather than bee-yorn)...

Veggie Friendly said...

Do you remember how, this one time, we found that website which offered baby naming tips such as, 'If you like two names, you can just combine them, and make your own name.' I think that these people have followed this approach.

weasel said...

Here's one for the an(n)als...

I just saw a student's name on a paper...

the name was Ephiphanie

comicstriphero said...

Duck - overload! bogan overload! Shantay? Jazlin? I don't think I can cope.

georg - we've seen a number of Dashiells lately in the birth notices. Beware!

tonch - ok, you win with J-Bo. And as for 'saving up' the Vanessa Williams reference? As if. She's always in my heart.

Jahteh - nothin' wrong with Euan. At least you didn't make it up.

Canberra living person - Bogan Jay! Yes, new winner! Sorry tonch.

Pav - werd on the having to spell one's name all the time. Although mine really is quite simple, I don't know why it is always mangled by people.

And I know a perfectly nice young lady called Ruby. No, actually, she is the devil in the form of a three year old, but not to worry.

Bookperson - Yes, I believe that was the Chav website. Oh the memories...

Weasel - mark them down.

Anonymous said...

Saturday July 1, 2006, The Sydney Morning Herald

GRUBER, Andreas and Hannah
(nee Walker) are delighted
to announce the birth of

Ruby Esther on June 10, 2006
at P.O.W. Private Hospital.

A bundle of joy.

Ruby Gruber

wojtop said...

I win - I have a cousin called Henry Ford William.

Monkeybizness said...

Hey Comicstrip hero, your blog is funny. I have an update for you on your bogan names. I'll see your Jaygen Bo, and raise you a Dusty Raiyn. I blogged on it, and linked to this post, so thought I should let you know. Cheers!

Anonymous said...


Sorry to do this to you, but Euan is actually the Anglo-Scottish spelling as is Ewan and Ieuan being the Welsh. The gaelic spelling would be Eòghann.

Try these ones out for size (and pronunciation)

sexy said...