“Peeeeeeyew! What the heck-aroo is that awful smell? That smells worse than those 3 month old potatoes I found liquefied at the bottom of the pantry the other day!”
Then please, let me explain.
I went to see The Producers last night, which, probably in part because of my amazing short-term memory loss of late, was, as far as I can remember, the stinkiest movie that ever stunk.
Boy, that movie sure did stink! It outstunk an electrified stinking machine on the stinkiest day of its stinking life!
Matthew Broderick? In a musical? YEEEeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgh. Yeech. Ewwww. Blergh.
And so on and so forth.
The stink was so strong that it infected my skin and despite furious scrubbing and such, and trying to wash it out of my system with the brilliant Bromwell High (you is better be watchin’ it, bitches) I just can’t seem to get rid of the stink!
So that's probably why it is a bit whiffy 'round here today.
The plot, if you don't know, pretty much involves some movie producers setting out to create a really bad Broadway show, which they hope (on the basis of some dodgy accounting practices) will make them their fortune. I got the feeling half way through this movie that the audience was falling foul of a real life version of the movie's fictional sting.
Its been a long time since I’ve been to a movie and had people walking out in the first 20 minutes. I think the last time this happened was when I went to see Mission Impossible 2. And then it was I that was walking out early (see, I do have some taste).
But where was I? Oh that’s right. Bloody Matthew Broderick. The weasel. He got to kiss Uma Thurman. Repeatedly. On the lips!
Matthew Broderick? Kissing Uma Thurman? I mean, COME ON.
I can believe that hot dancing girls, wearing nothing but pearls can magically appear out of filing cabinets and start up a chorus line – I can believe that I’ll admit to liking big, outrageous musical numbers - I can believe that Uma Thurman can dance – I can believe that a Mel Brooks movie can still get made in 2005 – but Matthew Broderick? Kissing Uma Thurman? Puh. Lease.
Worst. Remake. Of a play which was a remake of a movie. Ever.