Monday, January 08, 2007

Some shapeless thoughts which have been accumulating in my mind over the holiday period like lint in an unpicked belly button:
  • Just to show my paranoia never goes on holiday, everything’s out to get me, especially the weather – 7 days by the beach but only 3 good beach days, 2 of which were ruined by illness (yes, my only time off work since last Christmas and I instantly become sick, my body loves me). Furthermore, one night in a harbour-side 5-star hotel with sweeping city views and an easy walk to the Boy Charlton pool - persistent rain and a top of 13 degrees!
  • Speaking of beach holidays, seems that the old ‘us and them’ tribalism of coastal communities is still going strong – where else could you get heckled by slags in bikinis whilst waiting for take-away fish and chips?
  • I am calling for a royal commission to investigate why there is always, ALWAYS, some plonker on the Pacific Highway who drives 15km/h below the speed limit right up until an overtaking lane comes along, at which point BAM! they hit ludicrous-speed! Then, they slow right down again when the overtaking lane ends! I’d like to tie these people to a chair and slap them with a rubber thong until they provide an acceptable explanation for their idiocy.
  • Horrified, perplexed, irritated, defeated – all words I can use to describe my feelings regarding those people at large family gatherings who do not lift a single finger to help in any way. Am I really related to these people? I almost threw a phone lost it on Christmas Day when clearing plates from the table – one guest simply held her plate up and pushed it towards me without pausing from her conversation or looking away from who she was talking to. Should have just dropped it in her lap.
  • I hate summernats with a passion. I tried that whole “each to their own”, “let people just have fun” approach. I really did. I was even toying with the idea of not hating it at all and almost decided to tolerate the obnoxious noise that echoes throughout the night all over this part of Canberra - you know, share the earth and all that. But, there’s no escaping it – the only times I’ve felt threatened and have been on the receiving end of homophobic abuse in Canberra have been during summernats. We even copped it in the supermarket car-park at 9.30am on a Saturday morning, ferchrissake! The fact that the perpetrators are typically wearing car-themed merchandise and are hanging out of riced-up Pulsars and Subarus with interstate number plates is a bit of a giveaway that summernats is the only reason they are here. Get out of my town!
Alright! Environmental destruction, community disturbance and a whole weekend of verbal assualt on women! All officially sanctioned and partially funded by tax-payers! Australia rocks!
  • It was very thoughtful of the gas company to send their bill to us so that it arrived one day after boxing day, and was due three days after new year’s day – nice to come home from interstate to an overdue bill.
  • The soundtrack to Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette really is f*cking brilliant. Easily makes up for the Dunstardisation of that movie.
  • If you haven’t already done so, you really should get into Ricky Gervais’ free Guardian podcasts. The LovelyWife and I nearly added to the holiday road toll super-carnage-fiesta listening to these on the road north – never mind microsleeps, driving and tears of laughter don’t mix so well.
  • Hate to go all Column 8 on yo' asses, but today I saw Easter eggs at the supermarket. Kill me now!

7 comments:

weasel said...

Your passion for finding pathos in the mediocrity of modenr existence is a source of constant inspiration.

That's a compliment, I promise.

weasel said...

Albeit a poorly typed one.

JahTeh said...

What havoc did you wreak on the heckling slags? Tell, come on tell all, we can keep a secret.

shula said...

wtf is summernats?

Sorry, but that HQ is rather special.

and wot jahteh said. What did you do with the slags?

Anonymous said...
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Mindemar said...
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comicstriphero said...

Weasel - it is mediocre, isn't it. *sob*

Shulah - new to the Summernats phenomenon? Well, 20-odd years ago, when faced with a choice between a round of the Formula 1 championship, and a hot-rod car festival, Canberra's big-wigs chose the hot-rod festival, now known as summernats. An annual event held at Canberra's exhibition park (same place where the national tally room is, btw).

Great news for car enthusiasts (and there is some pretty special machinery on display). Not so great for residents of the surrounding suburbs.

I'm not going to get into it too much, but there are significant testosterone/alcohol fuelled problems associated with a proportion of the visitors the event attracts. Gives the event a really bad name, etc etc.

ANYWAY, as for the slags, if I piped up everytime I saw a slag on my holidays, it would be a full-time occupation. Seriously! It was like that scene from Hitchcock's The Birds where the family has to step quietly between the hoard of evil, brooding slags, er, I mean birds.