Lift and jerk

Ok, that’s it.

I’ve feckin had it with those people who don’t let others exit lifts before barging in themselves, elbows first. Over and over again, the lift doors open and there they are, one foot from your face, sighing impatiently at your very existence.

Hey, toolbag! I know I’m ‘in your way’ but I can’t actually feckin dematerialise you know. Maybe we could share the planet?

Let’s think about it for just a second, Mr Impatient Moron – if you are standing there, 3 inches from the doors as they open, blocking people’s exit from the lift, where do you expect them to go? Backwards into all the other people still in the lift?

Or, rather than the person who has limited space to move giving way, maybe you, with all that empty, unbounded space behind you, could step to the side – something that the people still inside the lift can’t physically do.

Oh sorry, I forgot. It’s all about you and your brief case/6-inch heels, isn’t it. Bet you wish you could drive your 4WD around inside and just run people over if they get in your way.

And before you all pipe up with a clever comment about how insignificant my gripes are – there’s plenty of people in this world writing about the significant issues. I’m simply filling a gap in the market.