Thursday, November 17, 2005

Professionally speaking

Some annoying workplace practices (that really ought to be addressed in the current debate on industrial relations reform):

1. People who get a new mobile phone and then decide to test all the different ring-tones at their desk. Really loudly. And then go through them all again. Just to be sure.

2. Overhearing someone tell the same boring story about buying a new mattress for their 8-year old son, or having some kind of invasive exploratory medical procedure, to 6 different people over the course of a morning.

3. Attempting to exit a lift only to find some pushy jerk pushing his way in from the outside first like a jerk (rude!) – I guess this could happen anywhere, but it happens to me a lot a work.

4. Completely forgetting about that really-important-task-that-people’s-lives-depend-on-judging-by-the-reaction-of-the-managers and missing the deadline and feeling like an idiot (I guess this could be my fault).

5. Going into the toilets and overhearing other people in other cubicles let loose in an really unnecessarily uninhibited fashion (vom. it).

6. Going to the toilets and casually chatting or saying ‘hi’ to someone you know, and then they keep talking as you enter the cubicle, and then, even after you both started taking care of your business, they keep talking still! (so creepy!) I don't want to talk and whizz, thanks. I can do that at home.

7. Paper cuts. Sneaky bastards.

8. Any adult with Winnie the Pooh merchandise on their desks. Cretin. You don’t deserve employment.

9. People who go jogging/cycling/hang-gliding/snow-boarding at lunch time and then deliberately make a detour via their desks on the way to showers just to show off that they are in exercise gear and brag about how fit and enthusiastic they are. It is particularly bad if they are wearing lycra. I sat at my desk and ate bad food, but you don’t hear me bragging about that, do ya?!


10. If it happens to rain, the way at least 50 zillion ker-jillion people say, at least 50 zillion ker-jillion times in the day "its good for the garden". Stop making me feel banal by saying such banal things!

And to think I was worried that working full-time in an office environment would degrade my intelligence, sap my will to live and reduce me to obsessing over really trivial things...


TLA said...

Sweet feathery jesus.

I must annoy the absolute shit out you on a constant and dependable basis, then. What with the unseemly number of pointless and unfunny stories I relate on a daily basis, and all.

I must heartily agree with you about the toilet-chat thing, though. And add that it also annoys me when people are having a chat in front of the handbasin things, and then continue to stand there and chat while you go into a cubicle and attempt to whizz without getting stage fright.

That's right, kids. Stage fright is not just for boys.

comicstriphero said...


I say, pffff

TLA - you're gonna hafta try a lot harder to get into the leagues of most hated of colleagues in terms of annoying repeating of boring stories.

Not. Even. Close.

Ms Misanthropist said...

Half of that lists shits me to no end. I'm guilty of the other half. Time for a self-audit.